gearing up ... again

The dream world ...

We are heading into another series of the "Revelation Dreaming - Dream Medicine" workshops and my soul and psyche are already on task. I detailed my bedroom last week for the dream altar energy and for a clear table for my dream journal and all of my dream potential to come to be ... again and again and again ... always getting better, going deeper, wider, higher, clearer, and so much more, there is always so much more ... yes!

These workshops are the most incredible vacations, other world destinations, life style realizations, great life manifestations ... living the mundane EMANCIPATIONS ... living the world of profound fascination, falling asleep with magic incantations ... to set you up for astounding creations ...

I AM IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flatlined emotions ...

In a dream last night I was walking through a dark room when I noticed someone sitting in a chair in a corner. The person was slumped over in the chair, with no vital energy in their being. Their only activity was that they were tapping on their heart, small rhythmic taps like the ones people use for EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

At first I couldn't tell who the person was, due to the darkness of the room and the posture (being slumped over) that the person was sitting in.

I asked the person what they were doing. The person said "my emotions have stopped, they stopped so long ago I cannot remember what emotions really are". I asked the person why they were tapping on their chest and they said "I am hoping to get my emotions started again, so that I can feel something. I think that my emotions have flat lined".

I told the person that tapping on the chest was not going to work in turning on the emotions again. I told the person that facing life, in an upright posture would turn their emotions on again. The person said "it was necessary to turn off my emotions at one point in life, it was necessary to make it through, through life, through pain".

I told the person "flat lining emotions is a tendency, not a necessity", and when I said this the person finally looked up and at me. The dark, shadowy room crumbled away, with everything in it falling into a large void, including the person in the chair. Everything turned to a golden yellow glow around me and the sun was shining brightly after that. I could feel warmth in place of the cold of the dark, shadowy room. I was left standing on nothing, perched on energy with my feet directly below me like I was hovering in the air.

I looked for the person, concerned that they had fallen into the void. I could see the person laying on a shoreline, like they had been washed in the water, up onto dry sand. The person stood upright and walked away, pushing their hair out of the face and standing taller with each step that they took.

This dream really stuck with me.

Tendency: a natural or prevailing disposition to move, proceed, or act in some direction or toward some point, end, or result: an inclination, or predisposition to something:

Necessity: something necessary or indispensable: food, shelter, and other necessities of life. the fact of being necessary or indispensable; indispensability:
an imperative requirement or need for something: the state or fact of being necessary or inevitable: an unavoidable need or compulsion to do something:

Tendency ... a choice.

Necessity ... an imperative requirement.

Emotion: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

Turning off emotions ... by choice not by necessity.

The back route ... ceasing the opportunities for joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like or the love that bring emotion.

Still processing.

today while shopping ...

Today while shopping I noticed a display of beautiful journals, more beautiful journals to choose from than I had seen in a long time. While looking through them to see if there was one that I couldn't live without, I was approached by a very sweet man. This man asked me if I was going to treat myself to a new journal. I told him that I was considering it. He asked me if I am a journal writer or if journal writing would be a new adventure for me. I shared with him that I teach journal writing as a sacred practice, as a way of tracking dreams, as record keeper for all forms of rites of passage ... life is a continuum of rites of passage. He was impressed and delighted that I was a journal writer.

He shared with me that he had recently given one of his nieces a new journal to track her life. He gave the journal as a high school graduation gift. He said that he told his niece to start a journal now, so that when she wanted to write her memoirs they would be easier to remember. He told her that she should get out and have a good life, a life worth writing about. He said that he told her that she should only write about the good in life and never about the bad.

I had much to share with this man, as I too believe that we should only track the good in life. I shared with this man about my "ah ha" when my grandchildren were born ... that I must only write the good and the loving and the special things in my life, because one day my grandchildren may read my journals. I told the man that I realized that I want to be known for having lived a life worth living.

This man agreed.

He then asked me if I noticed that when I only started writing about the good, that more good came into my life? I let him know that my entire life changed for the better and that I am so grateful that I took the time to record the changes, the good and only the good, the day to day ways that my life has improved.

It was so amazing to talk with this man. He was such a kindred spirit, it was almost like I was talking to myself at times. He was such a messenger.

So here it is ... for the kabillionth time ... do you use a journal?

Yes. Good ... now try tracking only the good things that happen in your life.

No. Good ... start today and track only the good things that happen in your life.

Report back to yourself in a month, in a season, in a full round of seasons.

Oh and if you want a good journal, Lassen's in Ventura has some beautiful journals for you to choose from.

I purchased a beautiful journal with a stained glass, style image of Mother Mary on the front cover. I usually use an artists journal and have one that I load daily with only the good. I call my artists journal my "dream catcher" ... thanks to the inspiration from "JVM" years ago, when he gave me my first "dream catcher". I've caught so many dreams over so many years, that they have all started to come true.

So the reason for the Mother Mary journal is this ... I am going to start my memoirs. The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... I know, and you may find out later.

from 9 years ago ...

this is a night

reeling in the effects of core blasting confusion, frustration
more than need be taken on by my gentle soul,
what is the cause of this? you know, don't you
divine external structure
places music in my ear
ah, listening to the delight of a primal bass groove
it is she - the me, the only offer for my immediate gratification

this is a night

listening loud
I can't hear my mind scattering endless nonsense
my soul cries
as a fierce storm rolls off of the desert
my heart. that love, passion
is a note away, away. always away

this is a night

listening loud
it gives my body an expression
matching the movements that
I would love to place on someone

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans do

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what falls out of abandon

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans create

this is a night
one that I would capture a soul like you
and I would stretch you to comply with my desires

Written on a hot night at summers end 2001

The Essence of My Rich Soul

I’ve help birth the sweetest of babies
I’ve sliced open the assassin’s throat
I’ve hung on the edge of crumbling buildings
I’ve seen the strangest things just float

I’ve raged inside as my tribe died
to circle in later to scalp more than a few
I’ve kissed a hundred men and women
I've needed moisture from the morning dew

I’ve witness senseless, brutal killings
I’ve seen entire villages set free
I’ve done all of this just watching
as my dreams come play with me

In the silence of my slumber
In the early morning light
I seen the darkest entities wonder
why I never seem to fright

I’ve run high above in the Moon light
and then been pulled to the Earth’s soft core
I’ve been called by God to enter
I’ve been pressed at Satan’s door

I’ve never stalled my dreams with boundaries
for these trips I would pay a great toll
for in my dreams I am experiencing
the depth and essence of my rich soul

(C) Laurel Lyons – Oneironaut
Inspired by the Lucid Dream Workshop
February 25, 2010

(Written with love, protected by Karma)

3:15 ... 3:16 ... 3:43 ... lost in time, so be it

Just that quickly the month is half over and I thank Goddess that I live by the sun and moon cycles and not the clock or the calendar. Yes, I do schedule by man's made organizers and reluctantly I do so. By New Moon I am only a week into it.

For the rambling, non-sense of this it was a strange week. I hit the ground running a week ago today (Sunday) and stalled in a vivid reality of aimless emotions by evening of the same day. I was glad that I saw that my emotions had no real direction and I adjusted accordingly.

I needed rest on Monday and got it, took it I should say.

I hit the ground running on Tuesday, even when a mild concussion smacked me good and hard, that didn't force its wicked ways on me until night time slumber sat in and I just continued to pause from there. OK it forced its ways on me, hard headed as I am. I just didn't go down to it, even with an ugly knot on my head and an irritating ringing in my ears (I hear "messages" and I just didn't hear this one).

Pause ... surrender ... cease ... hindsight.

Cease ... surrender ... pause ... full sight.

The concussion was like a concentrated mercury in retrograde kind of an ordeal for me. I was confused, disoriented, diminished (to a former self), emotional and exhausted. If I reached or it, it fell out of my hands. If I walked towards it I forgot why. If I figured it out, it changed its figures. I resorted to old ways (angst, frustration, overwhelm) that I thought were long gone from my softer, sweeter approach to life.

The brain - research on Friday informed me that the bump on the head, causing the concussion created the chemical flow of fear hormones in my body. That fear projected me to (and as I write the word projected I hear protected in my mind) the emotions that surround fear. The emotions that come from the brain injury, and its confusion and disorientation run wild in a wounded mind. The wounded mind cannot say stop until it is healed.

Am I healed?

But wait ...

So many people walk around like they are experiencing the after effects of a head injury. We see them all of the time, as they react from the fear in their bodies with extreme emotions, confused states of being from a wild, wounded mind.

Is it from the wild, wounded mind or is it the basic wounded heart? There are possible more wounded hearts out there.

Minor head injury.
Minor heart injury.

Source/Spirit has been working on me for the last two months, showing me the need to energetically work on the healing of the human from the over load of life long chemistry saturation. From the "nudge" of Source, I see it clearly in the beautiful, sensitive humans that come my way. I believe that my concussion was a great pivot point for me to see, a fresh ... refreshed view of the human chemistry system. After all, chemistry is energy ... energy runs in the body ... energy healing helps heal the body.

How did I heal myself from the concussion, and the greater need for healing of the chemistry of fear? I loved myself enough to nurture myself back to fearless.

Fearless.

Fear less.

Day twelve ... 3:15 Experiment

She is coming to me early, helping me sort things out once again.

In a dream I had been processing release, how to release and still hold on, but more than that, how to serve the highest good while honoring myself. Gayle came into the dream, walking around a corner into the room where I was standing. She looked great. Gayle asked me "didn't you learn enough from me?" She continued on to say "didn't you learn enough about unconditional love and the quality of detachment from outcome. Come on Laurel, remember". I started to cry in the dream and Gayle placed her arm around me and said "it's all going to be alright. Hasn't everything turned out alright?" Gayle then said "let's sit on your deck for awhile".

I woke up crying, to the alarm at 3:15 and I cringed. All that I could think about was letting go and how much it sucks to let go when you think that you don't want to.

Ah yes, surrender.
Ah yes, release.

"Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright". Bob Marley was in my room for a minute.

I remembered Maccan Harshaw, a wonderful woman that I encountered years ago. I could hear her southern drawl tell me "remember, some believe that the greatest strength comes from holding on. Others know that the greater strength comes from letting go."

Gayle and Maccan, such incredible women, teaching me.

I asked myself what I had to write about when it all seemed so clear.

Day eleven ... 3:15 Experiment

Sleeping finally, but then awake. I thought I turned it off (the alarm), seems I have something to say.

Anger, but not riled up. I woke up this way.

Is it the bump on the head?

If fear provokes anger, what provoked this?

What is the fear that I face?

My son's independence, he was my target.

Making his own decisions now, whether in agreement or not. I raised him to support his own convictions ... to be his own person ... to question authority, even when the authority is me and especially when I am wrong.

I am wrong.

I will apologize in the morning.

3:32 (cranky)

ah yes ...

There is nothing wrong with things going right. It really is amazing what can happen. I pledged to a number of things a number of years ago ... and I pledged hard and true.

I had wanted change before.

I needed change then.

I pledged to stop living in my past.
I pledged to stop living vicariously through my higher self.
I pledged to step up and be the woman that I was born to be.
That woman is a healer, that woman is a witch, that woman is intuitive, sensitive and compassionate, that woman is a visionary, that woman is a delicate creature with a vivid soul and a vital nature.
I pledged to not let another person decide what I wasn't.
I pledged to erase the lines of cruelty.
I pledged to end NAGative thinking, being, doing, saying.
I pledged that I would never be treated badly. (Thank you Daddy, I needed that talk with you in the kitchen that night).
I pledged to face my challenges.
I pledged to face my fears.
I pledged to enhance and increase my vulnerabilities.

I had no idea what this (and more) would mean.

Today it means everything.

I love.
I grow.
I heal.
I change.
I help.
I learn.
I teach.

It has been a day.

I have inhaled it, as a response.

This is a "pages wide open" journal entry.

Dedicated to ME.

I am so glad that I got tired of the old ways.

Day four ... 3:15 Experiment

to know what you want
and to be told to wait
is like being a race horse
tied to a gate