a poem from a dream ... two years ago
one night time while the strong winds came to whistle and to sing
I dreamed of an old woman weaving with sparkling star lit string
weaving the wisdom of the ancestors and their sacred ancient ways
she told me a story of life and death, and the world in the in between days
she spoke of legend and lore, dreams awakened and dreams true
she taught me lessons with value to me, to know what I should do
the old stories were wild and vivid, as she sat low beside a fire
she wanted me to stay free from the aches of my human desire
that night as she was weaving I saw this and it was true
as she sat and spoke so softly, from her lap an animal grew
from the cloth that she was holding, in her hands I started to see
a lynx and a coyote - a strange mix, that she was weaving just for me
as I sat in full attention, without a twitch, not missing a sound
the old woman, she clearly saw me and by her eyes I was completely bound
she looked clear and straight into me as she gave comfort to this animal mix
in this medicine weave she made certain that I noticed what I needed to fix
the lynx she said will give you the secrets of the magical medicine ways
the lynx she said will teach you who to trust in your night and your days
the lynx will hold your tongue for you, so you will be silent and not make a sound
the lynx is crawling in you, yours tracks are different when your feet hit the ground
the coyote is the trickster, the one who runs and plays the odd game
the one that sings the songs at night that connect lonely ones to their shame
the coyote is your worker now, the coyote energy is not that of you
the coyote keeps you safe in knowing, to keep the eye on what other coyotes may do
the old woman then stood before me and she approached me with a walk of grace
she placed the animal medicine on me, wrapped me tightly and then cradled my face
she said this dream, this medicine is yours now you are the weaver of the ancient way
get up, you were awake with me all along as this night has turned into this day
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
don't resist your passion
Much like a rainstorm rolls onto the vast landscape of a desert,
there is a passion that rolls into the vast lovescape of your soul.
As a rainstorm brings sweet moisture to the land, to the earth,
the passion that rolls into you brings to you a greater life essence for you to fill up with.
The desert does not resist the rainstorm.
Make sure that you don’t resist your passion.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
there is peace in the breath
Laurel Lyons
Life will bring you everything that you need, including great moments of challenge and moments of great challenge. These moments will bind you to your ways. Whether they are good ways or not so good ways depends upon the focus of your life. Basic "attraction" stuff.
There is peace in the breath.
It rarely matters what the nature of the challenge is, when challenge brings fear with it ... often the first “feeling" that shows up, even if only for a second we restrict ourselves. Depending on our "practice" we may choose to react to the challenge, by way of fear.
There is peace in the breath.
Our "practice" ~ if you are aged enough (years are not the dominant factor of age, age equating to wisdom here) to recognize "challenge" you are most likely aged enough to establish some kind of a practice. A basic practice of "self awareness" is deep breath. By simply breathing deeply, you have the power to remove fear. Breath supports the body to be present in the moment of now.
There is peace in the breath.
Practice breathing, practice deep breathing ... the kind of breathing that if you are not doing it, it will make your head spin when you do it. Find in that deep breath the essence of life, the essence of your own life. In that moment the only life that matters is your own. That is your empowerment, the understanding that your own life matters.
There is peace in the breath.
When you balance anything from the place of being able to value your own life you establish your connection to the Divine. In that connection is gratitude, vitality, inspiration and more aliveness in this life awareness. The deep breathing that supports greater life awareness will bring with it sanctity, surrender and solution.
There is peace in the breath.
In that peace there is forgiveness too.
(my morning ramblings from August 27th ... from the lessons "remembered" from yesterday's challenges. I am grateful.)
Life will bring you everything that you need, including great moments of challenge and moments of great challenge. These moments will bind you to your ways. Whether they are good ways or not so good ways depends upon the focus of your life. Basic "attraction" stuff.
There is peace in the breath.
It rarely matters what the nature of the challenge is, when challenge brings fear with it ... often the first “feeling" that shows up, even if only for a second we restrict ourselves. Depending on our "practice" we may choose to react to the challenge, by way of fear.
There is peace in the breath.
Our "practice" ~ if you are aged enough (years are not the dominant factor of age, age equating to wisdom here) to recognize "challenge" you are most likely aged enough to establish some kind of a practice. A basic practice of "self awareness" is deep breath. By simply breathing deeply, you have the power to remove fear. Breath supports the body to be present in the moment of now.
There is peace in the breath.
Practice breathing, practice deep breathing ... the kind of breathing that if you are not doing it, it will make your head spin when you do it. Find in that deep breath the essence of life, the essence of your own life. In that moment the only life that matters is your own. That is your empowerment, the understanding that your own life matters.
There is peace in the breath.
When you balance anything from the place of being able to value your own life you establish your connection to the Divine. In that connection is gratitude, vitality, inspiration and more aliveness in this life awareness. The deep breathing that supports greater life awareness will bring with it sanctity, surrender and solution.
There is peace in the breath.
In that peace there is forgiveness too.
(my morning ramblings from August 27th ... from the lessons "remembered" from yesterday's challenges. I am grateful.)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
GET UNSTUCK !!!
Shake it loose, let it go, walk away, move along, face the shit, clean it up, make a change, ask yourself "WTF"?
Then ... breathe deeply, really deeply more than many times ... and aim at authentic, honest, vulnerable, creative, LOVE, ease, health, vitality, CONSCIOUSNESS ... compliance, resilience, devotion TO SELF, forgiveness OF SELF, LOVE (yes more of it) and then more LOVE.
Get out of the old way, get out of your own way. Get out of the way .. here is one for you, you are not in the way as life goes on leaving you behind. You are only in the way of yourself.
This was prompted when I saw the visual images of the Twin Towers, billowing smoke above the NYC skyline. I was initially perplexed, I had to double check to see what I was seeing. Our media ... designed to stimulate our "follower/sufferer/victim" collective. Because so many of us are STUCK in the "follower/sufferer/victim" ways.
NINE YEARS ...
Globally ... not now.
Nationally ... not now.
Regionally ... not now.
Locally ... not now.
CENTERED in the HEART ... now ... how have you changed for the better?
Here is another one ... now ... how have you resisted change, change for the better? What are you still doing, still supporting (acting as a life support system for something dying, something that died long ago) that you know you should get "unstuck" from?
GET IT OUT ... GET IT OVER WITH ... GET UNSTUCK ... MOVE ON !!!
For you !!!
Then ... breathe deeply, really deeply more than many times ... and aim at authentic, honest, vulnerable, creative, LOVE, ease, health, vitality, CONSCIOUSNESS ... compliance, resilience, devotion TO SELF, forgiveness OF SELF, LOVE (yes more of it) and then more LOVE.
Get out of the old way, get out of your own way. Get out of the way .. here is one for you, you are not in the way as life goes on leaving you behind. You are only in the way of yourself.
This was prompted when I saw the visual images of the Twin Towers, billowing smoke above the NYC skyline. I was initially perplexed, I had to double check to see what I was seeing. Our media ... designed to stimulate our "follower/sufferer/victim" collective. Because so many of us are STUCK in the "follower/sufferer/victim" ways.
NINE YEARS ...
Globally ... not now.
Nationally ... not now.
Regionally ... not now.
Locally ... not now.
CENTERED in the HEART ... now ... how have you changed for the better?
Here is another one ... now ... how have you resisted change, change for the better? What are you still doing, still supporting (acting as a life support system for something dying, something that died long ago) that you know you should get "unstuck" from?
GET IT OUT ... GET IT OVER WITH ... GET UNSTUCK ... MOVE ON !!!
For you !!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
gearing up ... again
The dream world ...
We are heading into another series of the "Revelation Dreaming - Dream Medicine" workshops and my soul and psyche are already on task. I detailed my bedroom last week for the dream altar energy and for a clear table for my dream journal and all of my dream potential to come to be ... again and again and again ... always getting better, going deeper, wider, higher, clearer, and so much more, there is always so much more ... yes!
These workshops are the most incredible vacations, other world destinations, life style realizations, great life manifestations ... living the mundane EMANCIPATIONS ... living the world of profound fascination, falling asleep with magic incantations ... to set you up for astounding creations ...
I AM IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are heading into another series of the "Revelation Dreaming - Dream Medicine" workshops and my soul and psyche are already on task. I detailed my bedroom last week for the dream altar energy and for a clear table for my dream journal and all of my dream potential to come to be ... again and again and again ... always getting better, going deeper, wider, higher, clearer, and so much more, there is always so much more ... yes!
These workshops are the most incredible vacations, other world destinations, life style realizations, great life manifestations ... living the mundane EMANCIPATIONS ... living the world of profound fascination, falling asleep with magic incantations ... to set you up for astounding creations ...
I AM IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
flatlined emotions ...
In a dream last night I was walking through a dark room when I noticed someone sitting in a chair in a corner. The person was slumped over in the chair, with no vital energy in their being. Their only activity was that they were tapping on their heart, small rhythmic taps like the ones people use for EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
At first I couldn't tell who the person was, due to the darkness of the room and the posture (being slumped over) that the person was sitting in.
I asked the person what they were doing. The person said "my emotions have stopped, they stopped so long ago I cannot remember what emotions really are". I asked the person why they were tapping on their chest and they said "I am hoping to get my emotions started again, so that I can feel something. I think that my emotions have flat lined".
I told the person that tapping on the chest was not going to work in turning on the emotions again. I told the person that facing life, in an upright posture would turn their emotions on again. The person said "it was necessary to turn off my emotions at one point in life, it was necessary to make it through, through life, through pain".
I told the person "flat lining emotions is a tendency, not a necessity", and when I said this the person finally looked up and at me. The dark, shadowy room crumbled away, with everything in it falling into a large void, including the person in the chair. Everything turned to a golden yellow glow around me and the sun was shining brightly after that. I could feel warmth in place of the cold of the dark, shadowy room. I was left standing on nothing, perched on energy with my feet directly below me like I was hovering in the air.
I looked for the person, concerned that they had fallen into the void. I could see the person laying on a shoreline, like they had been washed in the water, up onto dry sand. The person stood upright and walked away, pushing their hair out of the face and standing taller with each step that they took.
This dream really stuck with me.
Tendency: a natural or prevailing disposition to move, proceed, or act in some direction or toward some point, end, or result: an inclination, or predisposition to something:
Necessity: something necessary or indispensable: food, shelter, and other necessities of life. the fact of being necessary or indispensable; indispensability:
an imperative requirement or need for something: the state or fact of being necessary or inevitable: an unavoidable need or compulsion to do something:
Tendency ... a choice.
Necessity ... an imperative requirement.
Emotion: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
Turning off emotions ... by choice not by necessity.
The back route ... ceasing the opportunities for joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like or the love that bring emotion.
Still processing.
At first I couldn't tell who the person was, due to the darkness of the room and the posture (being slumped over) that the person was sitting in.
I asked the person what they were doing. The person said "my emotions have stopped, they stopped so long ago I cannot remember what emotions really are". I asked the person why they were tapping on their chest and they said "I am hoping to get my emotions started again, so that I can feel something. I think that my emotions have flat lined".
I told the person that tapping on the chest was not going to work in turning on the emotions again. I told the person that facing life, in an upright posture would turn their emotions on again. The person said "it was necessary to turn off my emotions at one point in life, it was necessary to make it through, through life, through pain".
I told the person "flat lining emotions is a tendency, not a necessity", and when I said this the person finally looked up and at me. The dark, shadowy room crumbled away, with everything in it falling into a large void, including the person in the chair. Everything turned to a golden yellow glow around me and the sun was shining brightly after that. I could feel warmth in place of the cold of the dark, shadowy room. I was left standing on nothing, perched on energy with my feet directly below me like I was hovering in the air.
I looked for the person, concerned that they had fallen into the void. I could see the person laying on a shoreline, like they had been washed in the water, up onto dry sand. The person stood upright and walked away, pushing their hair out of the face and standing taller with each step that they took.
This dream really stuck with me.
Tendency: a natural or prevailing disposition to move, proceed, or act in some direction or toward some point, end, or result: an inclination, or predisposition to something:
Necessity: something necessary or indispensable: food, shelter, and other necessities of life. the fact of being necessary or indispensable; indispensability:
an imperative requirement or need for something: the state or fact of being necessary or inevitable: an unavoidable need or compulsion to do something:
Tendency ... a choice.
Necessity ... an imperative requirement.
Emotion: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
Turning off emotions ... by choice not by necessity.
The back route ... ceasing the opportunities for joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like or the love that bring emotion.
Still processing.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
today while shopping ...
Today while shopping I noticed a display of beautiful journals, more beautiful journals to choose from than I had seen in a long time. While looking through them to see if there was one that I couldn't live without, I was approached by a very sweet man. This man asked me if I was going to treat myself to a new journal. I told him that I was considering it. He asked me if I am a journal writer or if journal writing would be a new adventure for me. I shared with him that I teach journal writing as a sacred practice, as a way of tracking dreams, as record keeper for all forms of rites of passage ... life is a continuum of rites of passage. He was impressed and delighted that I was a journal writer.
He shared with me that he had recently given one of his nieces a new journal to track her life. He gave the journal as a high school graduation gift. He said that he told his niece to start a journal now, so that when she wanted to write her memoirs they would be easier to remember. He told her that she should get out and have a good life, a life worth writing about. He said that he told her that she should only write about the good in life and never about the bad.
I had much to share with this man, as I too believe that we should only track the good in life. I shared with this man about my "ah ha" when my grandchildren were born ... that I must only write the good and the loving and the special things in my life, because one day my grandchildren may read my journals. I told the man that I realized that I want to be known for having lived a life worth living.
This man agreed.
He then asked me if I noticed that when I only started writing about the good, that more good came into my life? I let him know that my entire life changed for the better and that I am so grateful that I took the time to record the changes, the good and only the good, the day to day ways that my life has improved.
It was so amazing to talk with this man. He was such a kindred spirit, it was almost like I was talking to myself at times. He was such a messenger.
So here it is ... for the kabillionth time ... do you use a journal?
Yes. Good ... now try tracking only the good things that happen in your life.
No. Good ... start today and track only the good things that happen in your life.
Report back to yourself in a month, in a season, in a full round of seasons.
Oh and if you want a good journal, Lassen's in Ventura has some beautiful journals for you to choose from.
I purchased a beautiful journal with a stained glass, style image of Mother Mary on the front cover. I usually use an artists journal and have one that I load daily with only the good. I call my artists journal my "dream catcher" ... thanks to the inspiration from "JVM" years ago, when he gave me my first "dream catcher". I've caught so many dreams over so many years, that they have all started to come true.
So the reason for the Mother Mary journal is this ... I am going to start my memoirs. The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... I know, and you may find out later.
He shared with me that he had recently given one of his nieces a new journal to track her life. He gave the journal as a high school graduation gift. He said that he told his niece to start a journal now, so that when she wanted to write her memoirs they would be easier to remember. He told her that she should get out and have a good life, a life worth writing about. He said that he told her that she should only write about the good in life and never about the bad.
I had much to share with this man, as I too believe that we should only track the good in life. I shared with this man about my "ah ha" when my grandchildren were born ... that I must only write the good and the loving and the special things in my life, because one day my grandchildren may read my journals. I told the man that I realized that I want to be known for having lived a life worth living.
This man agreed.
He then asked me if I noticed that when I only started writing about the good, that more good came into my life? I let him know that my entire life changed for the better and that I am so grateful that I took the time to record the changes, the good and only the good, the day to day ways that my life has improved.
It was so amazing to talk with this man. He was such a kindred spirit, it was almost like I was talking to myself at times. He was such a messenger.
So here it is ... for the kabillionth time ... do you use a journal?
Yes. Good ... now try tracking only the good things that happen in your life.
No. Good ... start today and track only the good things that happen in your life.
Report back to yourself in a month, in a season, in a full round of seasons.
Oh and if you want a good journal, Lassen's in Ventura has some beautiful journals for you to choose from.
I purchased a beautiful journal with a stained glass, style image of Mother Mary on the front cover. I usually use an artists journal and have one that I load daily with only the good. I call my artists journal my "dream catcher" ... thanks to the inspiration from "JVM" years ago, when he gave me my first "dream catcher". I've caught so many dreams over so many years, that they have all started to come true.
So the reason for the Mother Mary journal is this ... I am going to start my memoirs. The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... I know, and you may find out later.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
from 9 years ago ...
this is a night
reeling in the effects of core blasting confusion, frustration
more than need be taken on by my gentle soul,
what is the cause of this? you know, don't you
divine external structure
places music in my ear
ah, listening to the delight of a primal bass groove
it is she - the me, the only offer for my immediate gratification
this is a night
listening loud
I can't hear my mind scattering endless nonsense
my soul cries
as a fierce storm rolls off of the desert
my heart. that love, passion
is a note away, away. always away
this is a night
listening loud
it gives my body an expression
matching the movements that
I would love to place on someone
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans do
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what falls out of abandon
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans create
this is a night
one that I would capture a soul like you
and I would stretch you to comply with my desires
Written on a hot night at summers end 2001
reeling in the effects of core blasting confusion, frustration
more than need be taken on by my gentle soul,
what is the cause of this? you know, don't you
divine external structure
places music in my ear
ah, listening to the delight of a primal bass groove
it is she - the me, the only offer for my immediate gratification
this is a night
listening loud
I can't hear my mind scattering endless nonsense
my soul cries
as a fierce storm rolls off of the desert
my heart. that love, passion
is a note away, away. always away
this is a night
listening loud
it gives my body an expression
matching the movements that
I would love to place on someone
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans do
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what falls out of abandon
this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans create
this is a night
one that I would capture a soul like you
and I would stretch you to comply with my desires
Written on a hot night at summers end 2001
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Essence of My Rich Soul
I’ve help birth the sweetest of babies
I’ve sliced open the assassin’s throat
I’ve hung on the edge of crumbling buildings
I’ve seen the strangest things just float
I’ve raged inside as my tribe died
to circle in later to scalp more than a few
I’ve kissed a hundred men and women
I've needed moisture from the morning dew
I’ve witness senseless, brutal killings
I’ve seen entire villages set free
I’ve done all of this just watching
as my dreams come play with me
In the silence of my slumber
In the early morning light
I seen the darkest entities wonder
why I never seem to fright
I’ve run high above in the Moon light
and then been pulled to the Earth’s soft core
I’ve been called by God to enter
I’ve been pressed at Satan’s door
I’ve never stalled my dreams with boundaries
for these trips I would pay a great toll
for in my dreams I am experiencing
the depth and essence of my rich soul
(C) Laurel Lyons – Oneironaut
Inspired by the Lucid Dream Workshop
February 25, 2010
(Written with love, protected by Karma)
I’ve sliced open the assassin’s throat
I’ve hung on the edge of crumbling buildings
I’ve seen the strangest things just float
I’ve raged inside as my tribe died
to circle in later to scalp more than a few
I’ve kissed a hundred men and women
I've needed moisture from the morning dew
I’ve witness senseless, brutal killings
I’ve seen entire villages set free
I’ve done all of this just watching
as my dreams come play with me
In the silence of my slumber
In the early morning light
I seen the darkest entities wonder
why I never seem to fright
I’ve run high above in the Moon light
and then been pulled to the Earth’s soft core
I’ve been called by God to enter
I’ve been pressed at Satan’s door
I’ve never stalled my dreams with boundaries
for these trips I would pay a great toll
for in my dreams I am experiencing
the depth and essence of my rich soul
(C) Laurel Lyons – Oneironaut
Inspired by the Lucid Dream Workshop
February 25, 2010
(Written with love, protected by Karma)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
3:15 ... 3:16 ... 3:43 ... lost in time, so be it
Just that quickly the month is half over and I thank Goddess that I live by the sun and moon cycles and not the clock or the calendar. Yes, I do schedule by man's made organizers and reluctantly I do so. By New Moon I am only a week into it.
For the rambling, non-sense of this it was a strange week. I hit the ground running a week ago today (Sunday) and stalled in a vivid reality of aimless emotions by evening of the same day. I was glad that I saw that my emotions had no real direction and I adjusted accordingly.
I needed rest on Monday and got it, took it I should say.
I hit the ground running on Tuesday, even when a mild concussion smacked me good and hard, that didn't force its wicked ways on me until night time slumber sat in and I just continued to pause from there. OK it forced its ways on me, hard headed as I am. I just didn't go down to it, even with an ugly knot on my head and an irritating ringing in my ears (I hear "messages" and I just didn't hear this one).
Pause ... surrender ... cease ... hindsight.
Cease ... surrender ... pause ... full sight.
The concussion was like a concentrated mercury in retrograde kind of an ordeal for me. I was confused, disoriented, diminished (to a former self), emotional and exhausted. If I reached or it, it fell out of my hands. If I walked towards it I forgot why. If I figured it out, it changed its figures. I resorted to old ways (angst, frustration, overwhelm) that I thought were long gone from my softer, sweeter approach to life.
The brain - research on Friday informed me that the bump on the head, causing the concussion created the chemical flow of fear hormones in my body. That fear projected me to (and as I write the word projected I hear protected in my mind) the emotions that surround fear. The emotions that come from the brain injury, and its confusion and disorientation run wild in a wounded mind. The wounded mind cannot say stop until it is healed.
Am I healed?
But wait ...
So many people walk around like they are experiencing the after effects of a head injury. We see them all of the time, as they react from the fear in their bodies with extreme emotions, confused states of being from a wild, wounded mind.
Is it from the wild, wounded mind or is it the basic wounded heart? There are possible more wounded hearts out there.
Minor head injury.
Minor heart injury.
Source/Spirit has been working on me for the last two months, showing me the need to energetically work on the healing of the human from the over load of life long chemistry saturation. From the "nudge" of Source, I see it clearly in the beautiful, sensitive humans that come my way. I believe that my concussion was a great pivot point for me to see, a fresh ... refreshed view of the human chemistry system. After all, chemistry is energy ... energy runs in the body ... energy healing helps heal the body.
How did I heal myself from the concussion, and the greater need for healing of the chemistry of fear? I loved myself enough to nurture myself back to fearless.
Fearless.
Fear less.
For the rambling, non-sense of this it was a strange week. I hit the ground running a week ago today (Sunday) and stalled in a vivid reality of aimless emotions by evening of the same day. I was glad that I saw that my emotions had no real direction and I adjusted accordingly.
I needed rest on Monday and got it, took it I should say.
I hit the ground running on Tuesday, even when a mild concussion smacked me good and hard, that didn't force its wicked ways on me until night time slumber sat in and I just continued to pause from there. OK it forced its ways on me, hard headed as I am. I just didn't go down to it, even with an ugly knot on my head and an irritating ringing in my ears (I hear "messages" and I just didn't hear this one).
Pause ... surrender ... cease ... hindsight.
Cease ... surrender ... pause ... full sight.
The concussion was like a concentrated mercury in retrograde kind of an ordeal for me. I was confused, disoriented, diminished (to a former self), emotional and exhausted. If I reached or it, it fell out of my hands. If I walked towards it I forgot why. If I figured it out, it changed its figures. I resorted to old ways (angst, frustration, overwhelm) that I thought were long gone from my softer, sweeter approach to life.
The brain - research on Friday informed me that the bump on the head, causing the concussion created the chemical flow of fear hormones in my body. That fear projected me to (and as I write the word projected I hear protected in my mind) the emotions that surround fear. The emotions that come from the brain injury, and its confusion and disorientation run wild in a wounded mind. The wounded mind cannot say stop until it is healed.
Am I healed?
But wait ...
So many people walk around like they are experiencing the after effects of a head injury. We see them all of the time, as they react from the fear in their bodies with extreme emotions, confused states of being from a wild, wounded mind.
Is it from the wild, wounded mind or is it the basic wounded heart? There are possible more wounded hearts out there.
Minor head injury.
Minor heart injury.
Source/Spirit has been working on me for the last two months, showing me the need to energetically work on the healing of the human from the over load of life long chemistry saturation. From the "nudge" of Source, I see it clearly in the beautiful, sensitive humans that come my way. I believe that my concussion was a great pivot point for me to see, a fresh ... refreshed view of the human chemistry system. After all, chemistry is energy ... energy runs in the body ... energy healing helps heal the body.
How did I heal myself from the concussion, and the greater need for healing of the chemistry of fear? I loved myself enough to nurture myself back to fearless.
Fearless.
Fear less.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Day twelve ... 3:15 Experiment
She is coming to me early, helping me sort things out once again.
In a dream I had been processing release, how to release and still hold on, but more than that, how to serve the highest good while honoring myself. Gayle came into the dream, walking around a corner into the room where I was standing. She looked great. Gayle asked me "didn't you learn enough from me?" She continued on to say "didn't you learn enough about unconditional love and the quality of detachment from outcome. Come on Laurel, remember". I started to cry in the dream and Gayle placed her arm around me and said "it's all going to be alright. Hasn't everything turned out alright?" Gayle then said "let's sit on your deck for awhile".
I woke up crying, to the alarm at 3:15 and I cringed. All that I could think about was letting go and how much it sucks to let go when you think that you don't want to.
Ah yes, surrender.
Ah yes, release.
"Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright". Bob Marley was in my room for a minute.
I remembered Maccan Harshaw, a wonderful woman that I encountered years ago. I could hear her southern drawl tell me "remember, some believe that the greatest strength comes from holding on. Others know that the greater strength comes from letting go."
Gayle and Maccan, such incredible women, teaching me.
I asked myself what I had to write about when it all seemed so clear.
In a dream I had been processing release, how to release and still hold on, but more than that, how to serve the highest good while honoring myself. Gayle came into the dream, walking around a corner into the room where I was standing. She looked great. Gayle asked me "didn't you learn enough from me?" She continued on to say "didn't you learn enough about unconditional love and the quality of detachment from outcome. Come on Laurel, remember". I started to cry in the dream and Gayle placed her arm around me and said "it's all going to be alright. Hasn't everything turned out alright?" Gayle then said "let's sit on your deck for awhile".
I woke up crying, to the alarm at 3:15 and I cringed. All that I could think about was letting go and how much it sucks to let go when you think that you don't want to.
Ah yes, surrender.
Ah yes, release.
"Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright". Bob Marley was in my room for a minute.
I remembered Maccan Harshaw, a wonderful woman that I encountered years ago. I could hear her southern drawl tell me "remember, some believe that the greatest strength comes from holding on. Others know that the greater strength comes from letting go."
Gayle and Maccan, such incredible women, teaching me.
I asked myself what I had to write about when it all seemed so clear.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Day eleven ... 3:15 Experiment
Sleeping finally, but then awake. I thought I turned it off (the alarm), seems I have something to say.
Anger, but not riled up. I woke up this way.
Is it the bump on the head?
If fear provokes anger, what provoked this?
What is the fear that I face?
My son's independence, he was my target.
Making his own decisions now, whether in agreement or not. I raised him to support his own convictions ... to be his own person ... to question authority, even when the authority is me and especially when I am wrong.
I am wrong.
I will apologize in the morning.
3:32 (cranky)
Anger, but not riled up. I woke up this way.
Is it the bump on the head?
If fear provokes anger, what provoked this?
What is the fear that I face?
My son's independence, he was my target.
Making his own decisions now, whether in agreement or not. I raised him to support his own convictions ... to be his own person ... to question authority, even when the authority is me and especially when I am wrong.
I am wrong.
I will apologize in the morning.
3:32 (cranky)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
ah yes ...
There is nothing wrong with things going right. It really is amazing what can happen. I pledged to a number of things a number of years ago ... and I pledged hard and true.
I had wanted change before.
I needed change then.
I pledged to stop living in my past.
I pledged to stop living vicariously through my higher self.
I pledged to step up and be the woman that I was born to be.
That woman is a healer, that woman is a witch, that woman is intuitive, sensitive and compassionate, that woman is a visionary, that woman is a delicate creature with a vivid soul and a vital nature.
I pledged to not let another person decide what I wasn't.
I pledged to erase the lines of cruelty.
I pledged to end NAGative thinking, being, doing, saying.
I pledged that I would never be treated badly. (Thank you Daddy, I needed that talk with you in the kitchen that night).
I pledged to face my challenges.
I pledged to face my fears.
I pledged to enhance and increase my vulnerabilities.
I had no idea what this (and more) would mean.
Today it means everything.
I love.
I grow.
I heal.
I change.
I help.
I learn.
I teach.
It has been a day.
I have inhaled it, as a response.
This is a "pages wide open" journal entry.
Dedicated to ME.
I am so glad that I got tired of the old ways.
I had wanted change before.
I needed change then.
I pledged to stop living in my past.
I pledged to stop living vicariously through my higher self.
I pledged to step up and be the woman that I was born to be.
That woman is a healer, that woman is a witch, that woman is intuitive, sensitive and compassionate, that woman is a visionary, that woman is a delicate creature with a vivid soul and a vital nature.
I pledged to not let another person decide what I wasn't.
I pledged to erase the lines of cruelty.
I pledged to end NAGative thinking, being, doing, saying.
I pledged that I would never be treated badly. (Thank you Daddy, I needed that talk with you in the kitchen that night).
I pledged to face my challenges.
I pledged to face my fears.
I pledged to enhance and increase my vulnerabilities.
I had no idea what this (and more) would mean.
Today it means everything.
I love.
I grow.
I heal.
I change.
I help.
I learn.
I teach.
It has been a day.
I have inhaled it, as a response.
This is a "pages wide open" journal entry.
Dedicated to ME.
I am so glad that I got tired of the old ways.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Day four ... 3:15 Experiment
to know what you want
and to be told to wait
is like being a race horse
tied to a gate
and to be told to wait
is like being a race horse
tied to a gate
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Well ... Day two - 3:15 Experiment
There you are again, slipping into a viewing view. Your "ways" that you are showing me are most lovingly exposing you. You are showing me the portal to your soul, often in a dream and just as often, if not more often now in the waking world, during the moments when your integrity steams.
Why a poem, that is so hard to follow? I don't know.
This is not a poem. If it is, it is a really bad one.
I am off the pages and onto the sheets, even with these pages that are huge.
Dozing on and off.
Too tired for tomorrow that isn't even here.
You are a beautiful man ... loved for your beauty.
Whether the waking walk or in my dreams, you are showing up. Goddess knows I appreciate that. Please know that I appreciate you.
3:37
My God ... you are beautiful.
Why a poem, that is so hard to follow? I don't know.
This is not a poem. If it is, it is a really bad one.
I am off the pages and onto the sheets, even with these pages that are huge.
Dozing on and off.
Too tired for tomorrow that isn't even here.
You are a beautiful man ... loved for your beauty.
Whether the waking walk or in my dreams, you are showing up. Goddess knows I appreciate that. Please know that I appreciate you.
3:37
My God ... you are beautiful.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Day One ... 3:15 Experiment
First Post ... barely readable ...
What if we were always at the beginning of everything and at the end of nothing?
Stuck in a perpetual creation cycle.
Held to the momentum of a constant new beginning.
Living in an endless Spring.
Suspended in a constant burst of inspiration.
Always moving on the rise of a wave.
Continuously poised for the deep inhale.
Our bodies frozen in the first big step.
Arms wide open for a hug that never connects.
Why do many of us live that way, stuck in what we see as the best of all things. The best of all things being the beginning. How many times have you heard someone say "but it was so good in the beginning" ... or "I wish it was like it used to be". Worst yet ... "I need to hold on" ... "wait".
Being stuck in a beginning sounds ridiculous when it is set up that way, yet avoiding change, avoiding truth, avoiding reality is in effect like avoiding your world. It is like giving the directions to the greatest good "stop the world and let me off".
To get "unstuck" means to accept change.
What is the purpose in prolonging an end? It is a natural flow of beginning, middle and then comes that wonderful end. The wonderful end front loads the next great beginning.
The possible set up for the first 3:15 Experiment entry ...
I had a dream last night that I kept handing a man a baby. The baby was adorable. Each time I would hand the man the baby, the man would place the baby under a bed. I would come back into the room, get the baby out from under the bed, love the baby up and hand the baby to the man. The man would place the baby back under the bed again. This continued on a number of times. The baby was growing smaller and was not happy. I finally left the bedroom with the baby, telling the man "why would you want a baby to grow up like this, placing its potential on hold like that?".
This is where the idea for the 3:15 post surely came in.
New beginnings are wonderful.
They cannot be stalled however. We cannot postpone their fullness.
Would the peach stay perfect on the branch?
We must allow the growth of new beginnings.
We must also trust and allow endings.
A beginning comes to a natural end. An ending comes to the next natural beginning.
August 1 ... my first rambling entry for the 3:15 experiment. I'm IN ... heading towards wild creative flow from a partially loaded, sleepy mind.
I will face the direction of the east today ... the direction of new beginnings and I will state my gratitude for my last ending there.
What if we were always at the beginning of everything and at the end of nothing?
Stuck in a perpetual creation cycle.
Held to the momentum of a constant new beginning.
Living in an endless Spring.
Suspended in a constant burst of inspiration.
Always moving on the rise of a wave.
Continuously poised for the deep inhale.
Our bodies frozen in the first big step.
Arms wide open for a hug that never connects.
Why do many of us live that way, stuck in what we see as the best of all things. The best of all things being the beginning. How many times have you heard someone say "but it was so good in the beginning" ... or "I wish it was like it used to be". Worst yet ... "I need to hold on" ... "wait".
Being stuck in a beginning sounds ridiculous when it is set up that way, yet avoiding change, avoiding truth, avoiding reality is in effect like avoiding your world. It is like giving the directions to the greatest good "stop the world and let me off".
To get "unstuck" means to accept change.
What is the purpose in prolonging an end? It is a natural flow of beginning, middle and then comes that wonderful end. The wonderful end front loads the next great beginning.
The possible set up for the first 3:15 Experiment entry ...
I had a dream last night that I kept handing a man a baby. The baby was adorable. Each time I would hand the man the baby, the man would place the baby under a bed. I would come back into the room, get the baby out from under the bed, love the baby up and hand the baby to the man. The man would place the baby back under the bed again. This continued on a number of times. The baby was growing smaller and was not happy. I finally left the bedroom with the baby, telling the man "why would you want a baby to grow up like this, placing its potential on hold like that?".
This is where the idea for the 3:15 post surely came in.
New beginnings are wonderful.
They cannot be stalled however. We cannot postpone their fullness.
Would the peach stay perfect on the branch?
We must allow the growth of new beginnings.
We must also trust and allow endings.
A beginning comes to a natural end. An ending comes to the next natural beginning.
August 1 ... my first rambling entry for the 3:15 experiment. I'm IN ... heading towards wild creative flow from a partially loaded, sleepy mind.
I will face the direction of the east today ... the direction of new beginnings and I will state my gratitude for my last ending there.
Friday, July 30, 2010
ok ...
2010 ... 7 months into it ... has been the best year of my life. I pledged to so many things and I have seen so many things come my way, so many more than I called for. I had almost forgotten about this blog. A number of friends are moving their blogs over to another site and this sparked my interest in blogging again. This past week I spent a late night reading my blog from beginning to previous entry of "Roe vs Wade".
I have loved this blog and this blog has loved me.
I have gone back and forth with the idea of a newsletter as I have grown. I just don't resonate with a newsletter, yet. I keep coming back to this blog as it feels like home to me and for me.
I am coming up on the annual celebration of Gayle's life, it's that time of the year and I am called to celebrate part of it here, with loyalty and continued devotion and my never ending ... only growing love for her. (Jamie ... I love you and I always will, when you read this know this).
I am so grateful. Here come the tears.
I am going to open the pages of this public journal again.
I am going to open myself to this exposed form of healing.
I have loved this blog and this blog has loved me.
I have gone back and forth with the idea of a newsletter as I have grown. I just don't resonate with a newsletter, yet. I keep coming back to this blog as it feels like home to me and for me.
I am coming up on the annual celebration of Gayle's life, it's that time of the year and I am called to celebrate part of it here, with loyalty and continued devotion and my never ending ... only growing love for her. (Jamie ... I love you and I always will, when you read this know this).
I am so grateful. Here come the tears.
I am going to open the pages of this public journal again.
I am going to open myself to this exposed form of healing.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Roe vs Wade ...
Ah ... the social DIS-EASE of ABORTION ...
Abortion is a medical procedure. The depth of illness prior to the necessity of this medical procedure and the healing needed after the anesthesia wears off is of my concern. This forms from my passions and my loving service to see people empowered, capable and responsible.
I do feel that abortion for birth control is wrong. These women should be made to feel ... made to feel what? Clearly they do not feel at this point. This is another DIS-EASE OF SOCIETY. Abortion is the medical procedure to cure that DIS-EASE too. Again this is about the depth of illness prior to and after the procedure itself.
HERE IS MY SOAP BOX ... THE GIRLS and boys for that matter.
I do know that there are far too many young women a.k.a. GIRLS out there who are taking a brutal beating from the opinionated conservative masses. This beating is based on ignorance (as most beatings are) of far too many opinion makers. These opinion makers, don't have a clue or a care of what that individual's decision making requirements were, but they are judging, condemning and casting negativity upon them. If they cared they would look at and focus on the DIS-EASES of SOCIETY first.
This mass opinion of a conventional and oppressive main stream ... casting DOWN on one GIRL at a time (it is one female at a time that is broken down by this) is ruthless and wrong.
Yes, these GIRLS may have made poor choices to find a concept of love, LOVE ... that turned into an unwanted pregnancy. These GIRLS were not finding even a CONCEPT of love in their families, from their parents ... while having no guidance or support or clearly they would not have created the force that potentially ruins their future. When this choice is made in a moment of conflict ... sex for love ... or love for sex ... yes for these girls it is the contrast of wrong for right or right for wrong ... and in that moment, in that desire "THEIR FUTURE" is not in the mix. The sex for love is a topical balm for the deep healing that they need.
NOTHING calls on my warrior posture in such a way as to see the Prayer Righteous Protestor's standing outside of our local abortion clinic every Wednesday morning rain or shine, casting silent judgment on any and all who cross their picket line. I have stopped to talk to them and face to face they have no power, they rarely even have a voice. It is by the group measure that they project shame. I have never seen just one of them. Well, it is just one GIRL making that decision to lay on that cold table to eliminate the SOCIAL DIS-EASE that she has created. Remember that she did not create it alone ... the young man was there and her parents were there too, the residue of her parents lack of love that is.
I have asked those Prayer Righteous Protester's if they frequent the anti-war demonstration. WAR being another SOCIAL DIS-EASE. I have NEVER heard one of them say "oh yes ... I was there yesterday, last week or last month". You don't see war protester's out every Wednesday. What is their true value for human life if they are not equally concerned about a young soldier?
The energy wasted on the subject of ABORTION ... would be of better use focused on a child ... prior to their infection of any SOCIAL DIS-EASE.
Babies making babies ... that is my concern.
Abortion is a medical procedure. The depth of illness prior to the necessity of this medical procedure and the healing needed after the anesthesia wears off is of my concern. This forms from my passions and my loving service to see people empowered, capable and responsible.
I do feel that abortion for birth control is wrong. These women should be made to feel ... made to feel what? Clearly they do not feel at this point. This is another DIS-EASE OF SOCIETY. Abortion is the medical procedure to cure that DIS-EASE too. Again this is about the depth of illness prior to and after the procedure itself.
HERE IS MY SOAP BOX ... THE GIRLS and boys for that matter.
I do know that there are far too many young women a.k.a. GIRLS out there who are taking a brutal beating from the opinionated conservative masses. This beating is based on ignorance (as most beatings are) of far too many opinion makers. These opinion makers, don't have a clue or a care of what that individual's decision making requirements were, but they are judging, condemning and casting negativity upon them. If they cared they would look at and focus on the DIS-EASES of SOCIETY first.
This mass opinion of a conventional and oppressive main stream ... casting DOWN on one GIRL at a time (it is one female at a time that is broken down by this) is ruthless and wrong.
Yes, these GIRLS may have made poor choices to find a concept of love, LOVE ... that turned into an unwanted pregnancy. These GIRLS were not finding even a CONCEPT of love in their families, from their parents ... while having no guidance or support or clearly they would not have created the force that potentially ruins their future. When this choice is made in a moment of conflict ... sex for love ... or love for sex ... yes for these girls it is the contrast of wrong for right or right for wrong ... and in that moment, in that desire "THEIR FUTURE" is not in the mix. The sex for love is a topical balm for the deep healing that they need.
NOTHING calls on my warrior posture in such a way as to see the Prayer Righteous Protestor's standing outside of our local abortion clinic every Wednesday morning rain or shine, casting silent judgment on any and all who cross their picket line. I have stopped to talk to them and face to face they have no power, they rarely even have a voice. It is by the group measure that they project shame. I have never seen just one of them. Well, it is just one GIRL making that decision to lay on that cold table to eliminate the SOCIAL DIS-EASE that she has created. Remember that she did not create it alone ... the young man was there and her parents were there too, the residue of her parents lack of love that is.
I have asked those Prayer Righteous Protester's if they frequent the anti-war demonstration. WAR being another SOCIAL DIS-EASE. I have NEVER heard one of them say "oh yes ... I was there yesterday, last week or last month". You don't see war protester's out every Wednesday. What is their true value for human life if they are not equally concerned about a young soldier?
The energy wasted on the subject of ABORTION ... would be of better use focused on a child ... prior to their infection of any SOCIAL DIS-EASE.
Babies making babies ... that is my concern.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
