angst and frustration x 3 ...

Three people, all very dear to me reached their limits today. I wasn't a part of these limits but I did relate to each person. So I listened and listened and listened. I realized early on that there are times when we don't really need a substantial vocabulary. Sometimes we just need to listen and listen and listen.

don't worry about the fall ...

and so we know that it's ok if we stumble or even fall down on our path. maybe the break in the momentum and the gap in time is designated by a higher power to slow us down.

maybe the delay adjusts our clock and our timing gets shifted so that we arrive where we're going in a more perfect moment.

it could also be that the down time is when we gather in our senses or we ponder what the heck it is that we are doing anyway and that time and break for thought reconnects us to the value of what we are heading for.

and so we know that the fall doesn't matter ... it is the getting back up that does.

An open journal ... really

So this blog has changed course, speed and meaning. So be it. To change is to create essential meaning. I started here with no design of what this would become, only to express myself ... ME ... and initially my free thoughts about Reiki (healing).

This blog took a shape of its own as my fingers hit the keyboard. The thoughts of love (healing) ... and man, that has bounced around in my head and on these pages. The unconditional love of Reiki (healing). The love we should have for one another (healing). The love of self (healing). The love discovered during death (healing). The love of music (healing). Crow Medicine (healing). A love lost (or the hint of it) (healing) . A love found (a small hint of it and I hope) (healing). The love of learning is covered (healing).

Ah, here is a future subject ... the love of learning but learning can be a love/hate thing until you've learned your lessons well ... and I have not gone there (healing) ... to hate ... (not even a hint of it). Maybe close tonight but as close as I will get (healing). Maybe I haven't learned my lessons well yet?

So this blog is about what I started it about ... Reiki, converted to healing ... LOVE ... and a little more (healing).

This blog is an "open" journal, left on a table tucked inside a computer screen. You can sneak a peek or sit with it wide open. Relate to it or not. Many don't read it at all and they move on about their days just fine.

BUT ... this is my blog.

Tonight's blog entry is about another persons point of view ... from viewing my blog.

Another persons point of view does not change what I have written, its perceptions or any of my personal insights shared in a past moment. My perceptions and personal insight do change as I grow. Another persons point of view does nothing to the past written entries. They are locked in this website on the Internet. I can "EDIT" them but I would choose not to.

As I move forward in this "open" journal I will change and grow and see what is and what isn't ... and that will be a new moment. I will post these changes as they are relevant or pertinent. To change is to create essential meaning.

I consider this criticism of my blog and I say, this is my "open" journal and if you don't like it don't read it. I ponder the name of my blog. "Always seek the highest good". What is "the" highest good here tonight? For this is not called "your" highest good or "my" highest good. My choice would be that it is the highest good in the middle.

I don't know.

The highest good, or that place in the middle can get lost the moment you let it.

The highest good comes to mind and it is love. The sweet emotion that brings us to surrender. Not the surrender that leaves us powerless. The surrender of outcome. Can you surrender outcome? I will wonder if I can as I move forward towards that place.

Do I publish this? It shows my frailties.

The Nature of Balance

Commit yourself to something so that something can commit itself to you.

a simple pleasure ...

the local garden center ... 3 rows of large fountains ... all of them working ... all running water ... 30 - 45 fountains ... working all at once ... I stand in the middle ... of all of them ... I close my eyes ... I take in several deep breaths ... I listen to the sound ... of all of the fountains ... the constant water flowing ... like they are one giant fountain .... and I go away for awhile ... find your simple pleasure and partake of it every now and then ...

Go ahead and jump ...

My morning moved quickly and time offered no favors. I wanted to gather in a quick lesson or at least a small shift in my perspective before heading to work. I decided to read from a book that I recently received by fluke.

I had placed an order on Amazon for a different book. I placed the order, a book seller had it. Amazon took my money. The book shipped. Then a process started ... book - no book - order another - no book - order another - we don’t have it - we'll refund your money - order another book and on and on. I was receiving emails from two different people from the same company and I was the one trying to get them on the same page over the same book (transaction).

I finally found "The Osho Zen Tarot Book and Card Deck" set listed by this seller. I had just become aware of this set a few days prior. They had it “used” at about half the cost of new. I ordered it. I received an email that this had been shipped. An email followed stating they didn’t have this set and they would refund my money. Amazon let me know that they refunded my money.

The next day a package arrived in my mail. It was the book half only of The Osho Zen Tarot set. I initially wondered what I would do with the book and no cards. It turns out the book is the better half of the set. Cards with no book would be mysterious. The book with no cards is insightful. I read the introduction and the story of how this book and deck of cards came to be. It was a good read.

((((( .......... I opened circle last night before sleeping. I called in Grandmother and Grandfather and thanked them for many things but especially for expanding my territory. I asked them to hold me in the night and to whisper in my ears.

My dreams were powerful. I traveled and visited new people in new places. I learned great things. I woke to gentle nudges between the dreams so that I could remember them. It was one of the sweetest night’s dreams I have ever had.

This morning my thoughts were about these dreams and the woman I sat in circle with and the man that came my way with the very direct smile and great face. I thought of how real and present these visitors were and how they were of this time … not yesterday or tomorrow but today. I thought of how remarkable my dreams were and how courageous I have been lately to ask for and received such vivid dreams.

I thought about how moving forward in faith and trust has really opened many new possibilities for me. Possibilities like the ones I witnessed in my dreams. I was thinking of the quantum effects that I am seeing work in my life. I realized that at some point I just jumped into a more positive potential and here I am dreaming it and living it ............. )))))

I grabbed the Osho Zen Tarot Book and slipped my finger into a random page. I wondered what the page would read before I opened the book ... Page 61 … "TRUST" … with the picture of a woman leaping into the air, free flight … no net … wide open arms.

The page said:

“Don’t waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then life, this life is no longer an ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing. When the heart is innocent and the walls have disappeared, you are bridged with infinity. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you, why should on be afraid of its being taken away? – it cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure.

Now is the time to be a bungee jumper without the cord? And it is the quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don’t make any elaborate plans or preparation. We don’t say “Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I’ll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me”. No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. Here’s the hint … what waits for us at the other end - a soft, welcoming, cushion of yummy pink, rose petals … c’mon”.

Go ahead and jump!

Chain saws and jack hammers ...

It had been a full week ... the global condition that WE ARE IN. Remaining close to Spirit, staying the course even when I get frustrated. Clearly disappointed by some people that I have cared for. Trying to find equanimity with myself … will I find it? Flirtation … is cleansing and sweet like the smoke of Palo Santo.

I woke up early to a calm and foggy day. I started my morning preparing to sit in meditation. Who can afford gas these days and I am "a lucky one" as my daily commute is under 6 miles both ways. Start riding my bike. Happiness is maintainable. "The only things worth living for are innocence and magic ... AMEN". How can this current administration be so pompous? Will there be improvement in the next administration. GOD I HOPE McCain fails. My Son is growing and going. Karma … comes and goes but it usually hangs around until you deal with it.

I fed the dog and the cat and headed outside to access what kind of watering I needed to do in the garden. Lodge is coming up on Wednesday ... the full Moon. There are some weird folks out there. I have no room for negativity. Oh please. Past friends and lovers. Q’ero. Restlessness is to enthusiasm what espresso is to coffee.

The fog was thick enough I could not see the house across the street, making my meditation area in front of two large windows very surreal. I started expanding my breaths, lit my candle and started some Palo Santo burning. Stop making excuses Mom. Stop thinking a 79 year old woman will change Laurel. The Rites. Undoubtedly you must continue to do what you believe in. Vishudda … speak your truth (and then face those spoken words). What else would you speak? Why do people lie?

This meditation was about turning this week over, ending my chatter about it and releasing its energy to the sky. Just about ready … my breathing was already soft and full. I opened circle and called in the power and magic that I believe in. I centered myself on my meditation pillow and started my prayer …. oh that sweet prayer that always centers me.

ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz!!!! My next door neighbor was not trying to meditating. My next door neighbor was trying to remove ivy with a chain saw, starting the very moment that my prayer centered me. ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz !!!! I tried to remind myself that silence and peace were inside of me not outside of me. ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz!!!! I tried to focus my breathing on the still points in between each breath and I thought this was not going to work.

ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz finally stopped and I took some breaths. The chain saw was replaced with a jack hammer at this point. I decided to accept the humor as this is part of life. I closed my prayer circle and got up. Sometimes you aim at the good (a meditation) and you don't get it (a chainsaw).

amen ...

"The only things worth living for are innocence and magic ... amen. We were born with our eyes wide open. So alive with wild hope now. Can you tell me why time after time they drag you down. Down in the darkness deep. Fools and their madness all around. Know that the light don't sleep".

These are lyrics from a song. Yep, another CD rolling its lines out while I skoot around town. I think diversity can be added to the this small list but I didn't write the song. David Gray wrote it.

Innocence? Webster says it is a noun.
1. The quality of innocent naivete.
2. The state of being free from sin or moral wrong; lacking a knowledge of evil.
3. A state or condition of being innocent of a specific crime or offense; "the trial established his innocence".

I am not innocent.

Magic? Webster gives us its adjective meaning and it meaning as a noun.

Adjective

1. Possessing or using or characteristic of or appropriate to supernatural powers; "charming incantations"; "magic signs that protect against adverse influence"; "a magical spell"; "'tis now the very witching time of night"- Shakespeare; "wizard wands"; "wizardly powers".
Noun
1. Any art that invokes supernatural powers.
2. An illusory feat; considered magical by naive observers.

I am not magic.

But innocence and magic exist and I watch for them.